


This Won't Hurt An Edd

by FrankieQuinn13



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Crossdressing, Crushes, M/M, Oblivious Double D, Pining, porn references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 09:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17423339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieQuinn13/pseuds/FrankieQuinn13
Summary: Due to the Mulberry High steroid scandal, Kevin is forced to face his biggest fear in order to qualify for the Tri-county championships... Needles. Is there anything Naz can do to help him overcome his fear?





	This Won't Hurt An Edd

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> I posted this on ff dot net years ago, figured I might as well repost it now.
> 
> Inspired by an episode of the same name
> 
> Apologies spelling, grammar and OOCness
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd and Eddy or any of its characters

"Do you really think Lemon Brook is gonna win Eddy?"

Ed asked as he watched Eddy write up the short brunette in front of him and taking his money, before shoving it in his pocket.

"Alright, that's twenty on Lemon Brook. Now take a hike kid, you're holding up the line." Eddy growled making the fresh man jump before he quickly scurried away. The scam artist then glanced up at his friend and gave him a grin, you could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes.

"Are you kidding? Even with shovel chin as the quarterback, there's no way were Peach Creak is going to lose." Eddy then leaned closer to Ed and cupped his hand around his ear. "I know a guy in Lemon Brook and he told me that three of their star players got kicked off the team cause of some physical exam. They'll never beat Peach Creak now."

"But Eddy, you told everyone that Lemon Brook got five new all-star players!" Ed said loudly with a frown making Eddy grab his shirt to pull him down.

"Keep it down will ya'! I only said that so the odd's would go up and I'd get some more cash." Eddy hissed before letting go of Ed's shirt and flipping through his book. "This time in two weeks we'll be swimming in dough, so keep your mouth shut and maybe there'll be a jaw-breaker or two in it for you."

"Jaw-breakers!"

"Hey Eddy!"

The shortest of the Ed's looked up from his notebook of figures and found a blue eyed blond smiling down at him. Eddy turned to the side quickly smoothed a hand over his hair and checked his breath before turning back and giving the cheerleader in front of him his winning smile.

"Well hello~ Naz."

"Hey Naz!" Ed said enthusiastically as he wrapped the girl in a hug and lifted her up off the ground, before setting her back down on the ground. "You look pretty today."

Naz smiled, "Aw, thanks Ed. Your so sweet."

"Do we have cheer practice af-" Ed was interrupted when Eddy suddenly shoved his head away and into one of the lockers as he stood in the taller Ed's spot.

"Get lost Lumpy, Naz was talking to me." Eddy growled before looking up at the girl before leaning against the locker behind him and grinning up at Naz. "So beautiful, what can I do for you today?"

"Well," the blond smiled as she reached up and twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"Oh Oh! Can Ed help too?" Ed asked as he gave Naz a big smile.

"Knock it off block head, Naz doesn-"

"Sure."

Eddy paused and looked back at Naz while Ed just kept smiling. "What?"

"Of course you can help Ed. Besides I think were going to need all the help we can get."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The ginger sat on the cold plastic chair as he stared down at the cream linoleum floor. A jean clad knee kept bouncing up and down in anxious energy and his hands kept wringing together as if to wipe away the tense waves of terror that flowed through him.

Seventeen years old, captain of the football team, the baseball team and the basket ball team. Flaming red hair, deep emerald eyes and a body that most teenagers his age would kill for, Kevin was what most considered to be the epitome of teen perfection.

And yet regardless of his sporting abilities irresistible charm and seemingly limitless popularity, the ginger haired teen had one weakness.

One fear, one single object that could turn this fearless warrior into a terrified puddle of nuthin.

Needles.

Kevin couldn't even be in the same room as one of those tiny little rods of metal without being reduced into nothing but a big steaming cup of gutless wimp.

Even now Kevin was scared shitless.

And everyone knew why.

It was one week before the big football game. The tri-county championship game and for the first time in ten years, Peach Creek made it to the finals all thanks to their great and powerful quarterback, Kevin Barr.

Unfortunately tri-county championships meant full physical check ups. Full physical check ups meant blood tests and blood tests meant needles.

Kevin tried to get out of it, he really did. But since the Mulberry Falls steroid scandal two years ago, league officials refused to let any school take part in the finals unless every single member of the respective teams were thoughrally tested.

Which is why Kevin was turning into a puddle of nerves right outside of the nurses office.

Mr. Shaw, Peach Creaks football coach, decided to have some preliminary tests done before county officials get to his players first. Not that he didn't trust his athletes, it's just well... better safe than sorry.

The quarterback took of his signature red cap and put it on the vacant chair beside him and raked a hand through his hair.

Kevin's been a bundle of nerves ever since the coach dropped the news on them and he hasn't been able to think about anything else since.

Even with his best friend trying to help, Naz hasn't been able to knock him out of his funk and all she usually had to do to get his attention was mention Double D.

Double D.

The only one of the Ed's that Kevin could actually stomach on any occasion and not just cause he was smarter than the other two dorks.

He liked him.

And not just like, but  _like_  like.

Everyone knew it.

It's no coincidence that the football team just suddenly stopped picking on Edd after a certain redhead made captain.

They were under strict orders after all.

No one touches the nerd but Kevin.

And everyone on the team had been following the rules perfectly, everyone except for Mike of course.

Mike Criggs.

The teen was a complete contradiction.

Platinum blond hair, deep brown eyes and a large muscled frame made the handsome blocker look like the perfect heterosexual male specimen, despite the fact that Mike was gay and as open as the grand canyon about it. But no one ever messed with him since the last guy that almost uttered the word queer got his jaw crushed into dust.

Still Mike was pretty cool once you got to know him, he and Kevin were actually pretty close. And what better way to show the love you have for your friend, than taunting him on a regular basis by constantly flirting with his not so secret-secret crush.

Luckily Double D seemed completely oblivious and simply mistook Mike's advances as the football player's very  _very_ affectionate attempts at establishing a friendship.

Kevin glanced up at the infirmary door.

So far the whole football team has been through there and Mike was still inside.

Although there seemed to be something weird going on.

Each player went in, either looking bored out of their minds or completely annoyed only to come out blushing a bright red and avoiding any and all eye contact as they practically ran down the hall and out of sight.

Which made no sense whatsoever.

According to coach Shaw, Edd was conducting the the physical tests. Apparently Double D's going premed once he finishes highschool and volunteered in the nurses office to get some work experience. And since Double D could do the nurse's job with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back, although he'd rather not, coach Shaw wouldn't have it any other way.

But even knowing that his Ed would be conducting the tests didn't make him feel any better.

After all, a needle is still a needle regardless of who's holding it.

The nurses door suddenly opened and Kevin looked up to find Mike standing in the door while a pair of pale skinny arms gently tried to ease him through.

"I'm serious Double D, I think I might be coming down with something."

Kevin could hear Edd give a heavy sigh, "Michael for the last time, you're perfectly fine."

"C'mon D, I'm... I'm hot! So hot and I feel like my head's about to explode. And my uh... Throat hurts!" The blonde let out a few dramatic coughs and a pout. "Please, just one more run through. Just to be sure."

Edd gave another sigh and Kevin could see him reach up to place the back of his hand against Mike's forehead, while the other went down to his neck to check his pulse.

After a few moments of silence from Double D and predatory grinning from Mike, the nerd spoke.

"Other than the slightly faster heart rate, I see nothing wrong with you Michael." The blonde opened his mouth to protest but Edd interrupted him. "Your test results should be ready soon and whatever ailment you may be suffering from will be revealed then. Now if you'll please leave, there's still one patient before I can get started on the tests."

The door closed and Mike gave a growl, "Damn! So close."

Kevin raised an eyebrow at his friend as the other turned around to face him. "What's with you?"

Mike walked over towards him and gave him a meaningful look as he placed a hand on the gingers shoulder. "Kev my man. Beyond those doors lies a creature of such exquisite beauty, any mortal lucky enough to bask in its perfection would find themselves blinded by sheer want and ecstasy."

Kevin's eyebrows furrowed and his lips twisted in confusion, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you don't hit that before the big game," the blonde glanced back over his shoulder before leaning down to lock Kevin in his gaze as he gave a smirk. "Double Cutie's ass is mine."

The ginger just blinked as his friend straightened and walked away with both hands shoved in his pockets as he kept mumbling. "So fucking close."

Kevin stared after him until the door opened again.

"Next please."

Kevin gulped as he stared at the open door. The faint scent of alcohol drifted through out of the room and he could see what looked like the corner of an examination table from where he was seated while the shadow of a figure moved around the room.

Taking a deep breath, Kevin grabbed his hat and started wringing the red material in his hands before getting up and walking over to the door. The ginger kept his gaze on the floor and tried to take deep breaths to keep his heart rate under control. Images of comically large needles, severed limbs, spattered pools of blood and his own rotting corpse kept flashing in his mind and Kevin had to fight off the panic attack he knew he was having.

"Greetings and salutations, Kevin. Are you ready for your medical assessment?"

When Kevin looked up at Double D he stopped breathing and his brain malfunctioned.

Green eyes went wide as the ginger just kept staring at Edd, not believing what his eyes were telling him no matter how many times he blinked them.

"Kevin? Are you alright?" The brainy Ed's voice was nothing compared to the white noise ringing in his ears.

Edd was wearing a nurses outfit.

But not the dorky one he usually wore whenever he helped nurse Claymore.

No this one was shorter, frillier... Sexier.

Double D wore a white nurse's dress that came up mid thigh with a lacy lining on the inside. White stockings went up just above the Ed's knees while silver garter belts led the way from the stocking to disappear somewhere up the skirt. Edd's signature black hat was replaced with a cliché nurse hat and the nerd's black hair went down to his shoulder while a side fringe swept down over his forehead.

What the fuck...

"Kevin."

"What the  _actual_ fuck?"

"Kevin, language!" Double D scolded as he glared at the quarter back who quickly shut the door behind him, as if the whole football team hasn't already seen Eddward parading around as a sexy nurse.

"Don't  _Kevin language_  me, Double Dork! What the hell are you wearing?!"

Edd blushed and held his clip board against his chest, "A nurse's uniform."

Kevin rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean, don't act stupid."

Edd sighed as he picked at the strands of raven hair over his forehead. "If you must know. I lost a bet to Eddy and the penalty for my loss was to dress this way while I conducted the football team's physical examination."

"You lost a bet to shorty? Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

"Yes well, if I had known that Naz was so skilled at chess. I never would have agreed to it."

Naz.

Of course she's behind this, Kevin almost groaned in frustration. Naz probably thought that he'd be more comfortable with a needle in his arm if his crush was dressed in something distracting. Kevin wasn't sure if he should track his best friend down and kill her or buy her a car.

Kevin slowly let his eyes drift over the dork to really take him in and his next move was clear.

Buy Naz a car.

Definitely a car.

"Uhm Kevin. According to the guidelines that Eddy and Naz have set, I can only take this ridiculous outfit off once all of the examinations have been completed. So if you'll please take a seat. We'll get started."

"Sure." Kevin walked over to the examination table and sat down on the sterilising paper that covered it while Double D made some notes on his clipboard before walking over to the sink on the other side of the room to wash his hands and pull on a pair of latex gloves with two decisive snaps.

Kevin watched him from his seat and found his eyes lingering from Edd's thin waist down his legs.

"Now Kevin, like I've informed the others. If you're uncomfortable with my conducting the tests, you are more than welcome to wait until tomorrow to have nurse Claymore perform the examination herself." Double D explained, blissfully unaware of the eyes that were slowly violating every inch of his body.

"Nah, its cool."

"Are you sure, I wouldn't take it personally if you were uncomfortable with the situation-"

"Trust me Dork. There's no way that this situation could be any more comfortable."

Actually Kevin could think of at least seven different ways that it could get more comfortable and only two of those included Edd taking the costume off. The ginger licked his lips as he craned his neck to get a better view just as Edd turned around, making him quickly snap up and give an awkward smile.

"Strange." Double D tilted his head to the side with a slight smile.

"What?"

"Well it's just that, I expected at least one complaint from one of the players today and yet I don't think the football team has ever been more cooperative." Edd let out a giggle as he arranged his instruments on a small tray beside the examination table. "Why even Michael asked for me to demonstrate a prostate exam, although I have no idea why he'd ask for such a thing. Perhaps I should dress this way more often."

 _'Not in front of him you're not'_ Kevin gave a low growl as he folded his arms over his chest. "Of course he did."

And of course Double D was completely oblivious.

"Right, now then first things first. I'll need to ask you some questions on your medical history." Edd lifted his clipboard and pulled a pen from the clip. "Are you consuming any kind of- oh drat!"

The pen slipped from Double D's grip and dropped to the floor with a tap. The nerd turned around and leaned over to pick it up involuntarily giving Kevin a spectacular view of exactly where those garter belts led up to.

Matching underwear.

Naz really deserves a car.

Kevin bit his lip and tilted his head to look right up Double D's skirt. The redhead smiled as the memory of a cheesy porno he watched a while back came flooding back to him and Kevin couldn't help but wonder what Double D would do if he was naughty nurse Britney.

"Troublesome little thing." Edd straightened up with a smile and turned back just as Kevin did. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. E-everything's fine." Kevin gave an awkward cough and a quick nod.

"Wonderful! Now where was I... Ah yes, are you currently consuming any kind of prescription medication?"

"No."

"Have you consumed any kind of prescription medication in the last six months?"

"No."

As the dork kept asking Kevin questions about the gingers medical history, Kevin couldn't help but let his imagination get away from him.

If this was a porno Edd probably would've been straddling his waist and ripping off his shirt by now. The quarterback bit back a chuckle as he thought of corny eighty's music suddenly playing in the background, but almost blushed when at a dirty little image of the nerdy Ed crawling onto his lap and pulling himself up to Kevin's ear as he whispered.

"...take off your shirt."

Kevin blinked, "What?!"

"If you feel uncomfortable, you could always just roll up the sleeve of your shirt." Edd explained with a smile. "But you will have to take off your jacket for the blood pressure test and blood sample."

"Oh right. Gotcha."

Kevin quickly shrugged off his jacket and pulled off his shirt completely and his mind phased back into porno mode. As Double D put the stethoscope in his ears and placed the other end on Kevin, he felt a shiver run down his spine when the cold metal piece made contact with his heated skin and briefly wondered exactly what the nerdy Ed would do if Kevin picked up the one end just like doctor Frederick in the porno and whispered,  _"Take off your dress and get on my-"_

"Say Ahh, please." Kevin was once again pulled from his thoughts as Eddward stood in front of him with one of those popsicle stick things and a tiny flash light. The ginger opened his mouth, simultaneously praying that his breath didn't smell like those tacos he had for lunch.

Double D leaned forward and looked inside of Kevin's mouth after a few moments of staring at the back of Kevin's throat the raven pulled back with an appreciative smile.

"My word Kevin, what impressive oral hygiene you have. I don't think I've seen anyone's mouth look to be in such pique condition." The nerd praised as he made some notes on his clipboard and Kevin couldn't help but blush as he thought.

_'I'd love to show you just how impressive my mouth really is.'_

Of course Eddward was still completely oblivious.

The rest of the exam went on pretty much the same way. With Edd innocently trying to do his job while Kevin's mind made up a new fantasy with every word Double D said and a new sexual purpose for every innocent medical tool he used.

Kevin was so far off in Lala erotic heaven that he didn't even see it coming before Double D suddenly-

"OUCH!"

Kevin yelped in pain almost jerking back as he was pulled from yet another fantasy when he looked down and his eyes went wide.

"Is-is...is that a-"

"A needle, Kevin." Double D supplied as Kevin watched in complete horror as the tiny syringe filled with his own blood. Ed quickly removed the needle, cleaned the spot where he drew blood with alcohol and covered it with a bandage before he took the blood sample and scurried over to the other side of the room to properly preserve Kevin's blood sample.

Meanwhile Peach Creak's great and mighty quarterback seemed to be going through some kind of shell shock as he stared blankly at the spot on his arm, when he heard Double D give a sigh.

"Finally done."

Seeming to snap out of his shock and not believing that he had an actual needle in his arm, even though he saw it, Kevin pulled on his shirt and jacket when Double D suddenly spoke as he made a some more notes on his clipboard.

"I'm surprised that you handled my taking your blood sample so well Kevin, I remember you having quite a bit of difficulty when it came to needles when we were in middle school."

Kevin gave an awkward laugh as he raked a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well. You gotta get over your fears at some time right dork?"

Edd looked up and gave Kevin a gap toothed smile that melted his heart.

"My what a brave thing to say Kevin, I am very proud of you. I suppose you won't be needing a treat for being a good boy then, will you." Double D gave a brief giggle as he shook his head in amusement went Kevin suddenly paused and asked,

"Treat?"

Edd looked up and smiled before turning back towards the cupboard behind him, stretching up to reach the jar of lollipops behind him. "It's quite silly actually, but nurse Claymore keeps these in her office." Double D turned back only to bite back a yelp of surprise as he found Kevin suddenly standing much closer than he was before.

"Kevin." Edd gasped as he placed his hand against his chest, "You scared me."

Kevin smirked at the tinge of pink that had spread over the nerd's cheeks and his green eyes began to twinkle with mischief.

"So I get a treat for being a good boy, huh?"

Double D blinked at the look in Kevin's eyes but quickly shrugged it off as he reached inside of the jar to pull out a bright red cherry sucker. "Of course, would you like one?"

And before Double D could dissect what was happening, Kevin suddenly reached out and grabbed Edd by his waist and crushed their lips together in a bruising kiss.

The raven let out a startled gasp and his heart raced when Kevin's tongue suddenly slipped into his mouth and the geeky Ed let out an involuntary moan of pleasure when Kevin just as suddenly pulled back and grinned at Double D's now hazy blue eyes.

Eddward was breathing hard as his eyes cleared and stared into Kevin's smirking face when the ginger suddenly leaned forward again, making Double D shut his eyes and lean forward only to meet with nothing but air as Kevin had pulled away completely.

The nerd opened his eyes and found Kevin standing by the door just as he popped the red lollipop in his mouth when he said, "Thanks for the treat, Double D." Before opening the door and stepping outside where he found Naz waiting for him with a huge grin on her face.

"So?" The blonde asked as she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Kevin grinned back.

"I am definitely buying you a car."

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The end
> 
> Please review


End file.
